Jan 022013

Testy Brit Piers Morgan is now threatening to deport himself from America and his multi-million dollar evening chat fest on CNN. Why? Because he wants stricter gun control legislation in America.

Gun control has been a political tug-of-war in the Uniter States for decades, but Piers thinks he has the answer to the stalemate: threaten America with his absence.

Goodbye, Piers Morgan.

Piers has been particularly rude to his pro-gun guests as of late, calling them idiots and interrupting their points. His “logic” goes something – well, exactly – like this: Guns are used to kill people and killing people is wrong, so guns should be banned.

Piers fails to consider the ages-old NRA retort that “If guns are criminalized, only criminals will have guns.” It’s a winning argument, and catchier than the Second Amendment.

Piers also fails to consider that compared to about 30,000 deaths by guns each year, America has 30-40,000 deaths by automobile each year. Should we ban cars?

We see Piers likes to smoke. Should we ban smoking, since it accounts for more than 440,000 deaths in America each year?

How about abortion, Piers, that kills more than 1,200,000 (that’s 1.2 million) innocent babies each year? Are you okay with that?

Why did you leave gunless Great Britain in the first place, Piers? America left Great Britain in order to live free of oppression and rules of gentry. You came here for money and fame. You got what you came for, so by all means deport yourself and let America keep its way of life intact.

National Absurder: New Year’s Resolution-A-Rama

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Dec 312012

Most of us toy with making New Year’s resolutions, many of us state them outright, but a scarce few of us actually succeed in our resolve. Maybe if we scaled down our lofty self-promises, we’d have some bragging rights by the end of the year.

The main trick is to be realistic about your resolutions. Truth, justice, and the American way are a never-ending battle for even Superman, so lower your sights.

And narrow your scope; a single resolution would be infinitely easier to accomplish than a litany of self-improvements. If you try to quit smoking, drinking, and overeating all at once, you’ll certainly fail – if you don’t kill yourself first! Pick one at a time. Make sure it sticks before you move on to the next hurdle.

Be patient. It’s a New Year’s resolution, after all, so give it up to a year to see it through. Pace yourself.

Once you choose a resolution, refine it by establishing goals. “Lose weight” is a lofty resolution, but “Lose one pound a week for 10 weeks” is a realistic goal.

We should keep the number of resolutions to a minimum. Use my chart below, adding possible resolutions to what’s already there. If you like, rearrange the column categories from Easy, Moderate and Difficult to something like Mind, Body and Spirit or Short-Term, Mid-Term and Long-Term.

Then choose only one from Column A, and/or one from Column B, and/or one from Column C. That should be manageable. Good luck!


• Become better organized
• Become greener
• Create personal budget
• Develop hobby
• Learn something new
• Read more
• Talk less, listen more
• Watch less TV
• Write a daily diary
• Donate $10 a month to RoadKill Radio


• Donate to charity
• Eat better
• Exercise more
• Get a (better) job
• Help people
• Play more
• Save money
• Spend more time with family
• Travel more
• Donate $50 a month to RoadKill Radio


• Lose weight
• Move
• Quit drinking
• Quit smoking
• Reduce stress
• Reduce/eliminate debt
• Settle down
• Simplify life
• Work more
• Donate $100 a month to RoadKill Radio

As you might have guessed from my lists, my New Year’s Resolution is to get more people to support RoadKill Radio.

Happy New Year!

Fueling Options

Or send a cheque or money order Payable to:

RoadKill Radio,
P.O. Box 12014,
Murrayville Square, Langley,
BC, Canada V3A 9J5

National Absurder: A Brief History of TV

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Dec 262012

“Good evening. I am Stephen Hawking. Tonight I will explain my Theory of Relative TV. Queen Victoria’s husband, Prince Albert, was a visionary. He once commissioned a study to see if it was possible to transmit pictures and sound through the air to be seen at another location through a viewing box. He concluded that the technologies were not yet available to accomplish such a feat. However, the task had been set in motion, and some decades later television was invented. First it was Black and White TV, and then color TV. Today we have cathode ray TV, LCD TV, plasma TV, and projection TV. Ralph Kramden finally has his 3-D TV. But so much of today’s 3-D is artificial, similar to early colorization. It’s a neat trick, but imperfect. Sound quality has not advanced as rapidly as picture quality. Speakers are still small. Digitized sound, like MP3 compression, sucks the big one. But none of this really matters. Notice the immense popularity of such low quality video such as Skype, phone cameras, and amateur on line videos. High end TV is a sham, important only for social status, bragging rights, and corporate profit. TV quality has in fact exceeded its practical purposes. Unless the picture and sound are distractingly bad, they are quickly ignored, no longer noticed after the first few moments of appreciation. Ultimately, the only quality that counts is in content. Well produced content looks good on any TV. I leave you now with a fine example of quality TV production.”

Dec 222012

December 2000 Warning

Health Canada recognizes the unborn as “babies”. Among the graphics that Health Canada requires to be displayed on cigarette packages in Canada, one depicts a pregnant woman holding a cigarette. One ad reads:


Tobacco use during pregnancy reduces the growth of babies during pregnancy. These smaller babies may not catch up in growth after birth and the risks of infant illness, disability and death are increased.

If hurting babies is worthy of mandatory warning labels, why doesn’t the killing of babies warrant even stronger warnings?

December 2000 Warning

Why does the Canadian government allow the murder of 100,000 babies every year in the form of abortions?

2012 Warning

Stephen Harper’s government is hypocritical when it warns against cigarettes but not against abortion.

2012 Package Insert

Health officials get it. Why don’t our so-called “leaders”? Help them out and write to you MLA today!
Dec 122012

The Year the World Ended

Right now you can go out to a book store or web site and buy a 2013 calendar, which may even have a few months of 2014 included as well. What is more difficult to buy is a calendar for the year 3414, for example. Why? Because sales would be abysmal. Imagine how angry some ancient Mayan’s boss was when he realized his toady calendar maker was getting WAAAAYYYY ahead of himself. So he had him stop obsessive-compulsively carving out new dates. Flash forward to present day: conspiracy nuts think the OC Mayan was actually predicting The End. Get real.

In case you missed our previous Armageddons, here are some absolutely guaranteed drop-dead-end-of-the-world predictions in the last 100 years…

1914 – Jehovah’s Witnesses calculated this expiration date from made-up stories, as is their wont, later revising it to 1915. Then 1918. Then 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975, 1994… ah, who even pays attention to them anymore?

1919 – Six planets would align and tear apart the Sun. Or not.

1936 – Herbert W. Armstrong, who cobbled together several religious disciplines and called it the Worldwide Church of God, tried to stir up his own end-of-world scenario to build up a following. The revised date was 1975.

1948 – The Jews finally got an official homeland, and Christians ran for the hills, thinking this was the final sign of the Apocalypse.

1953 – David Davidson’s “The Great Pyramid, Its Divine Message” stirred up some sales with its doom and gloom message.

1957 – Not having any luck with their own predictions, the Jehovah’s Witnesses laid a 1957 prediction on a California padre named Mihran Ask.

1959 – Future Branch Davidian leader Florence Houteff predicted world’s end for 1959, although it wasn’t until 1993 that most of the faithful went up in flames with David Koresh.

1960 – Another old pyramid-related prediction came and went.

1967 – Another rousing victory by the Israelis in their 6-day war got Christians wringing their hands all over again. Simps.

1973 – The comet due to hit Earth as predicted by Moses David (David Berg) of The Children of God apparently missed. You Gotta Believe

1980 – Baha’i Faith leader Leland Jensen saw our nuclear demise go up in smoke.

1981 – Chuck Smith, another California padre, calls it wrong.

1981 – Arnold Murray of Shepherd’s Chapel had his own 1981 prediction. I wonder if he and Chuck Smith compared notes afterward.

1981 – The Reverend Sun Myung Moon liked 1981, too.

1982 – Marion Gordon “Pat” Robertson went with a 1982 Armageddon, and when that didn’t work out, he then ran for President in 1988.

1982 – Another alignment of the planets doom scenario made astronomers John Gribben and Setphen Plagemann poop their pants, but the rest of us got through it okay.

1984 to 1999 – The Rajneesh movement predicted a series of natural and man-made events of global destruction for this period. Well, it did rain a lot.

1985 – Shepherd’s Chapel’s Arnold Murray was at it again, saying Armageddon would start on June 8th of that year in Alaska. At least he had the guts to be specific.

1986 – Since his 1973 comet missed the Earth, Moses David went with a Battle of Armageddon for 1986, and the return of zombie Jesus in 1993.

1987 – 2000 – Lester Sumrall sold a lot of books predicting a lot of doom, and was wrong on every count.

1988 – Again blaming the formation of Israel, perennial predictor of preposterous prophesies Hal Lindsey incorrectly guessed 1988 as the Final Year.

1988 – The year Alfred “Super-Psychic A.S. Narayana” Schmielewsky said it would all end. He was later murdered after his Super Psychic powers failed to warn him of a gunman at his front door.

1988 – A 1981 movie called “The Man Who Saw Tomorrow” helped prove what a crackpot Nostradamus was.

1988 – Edgar Whisenaut, a NASA scientist, became a best-selling author with his book “88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Occur in 1988.” October 11, to be specific. I want my money back.

1990-ish – Some guy named Peter Ruckman came up with his own nebulous timetable.

1994 – Harold Camping reveals the results of 3 decades of biblical computations to peg September 6, 1994, as Judgement Day. Well, back to the drawing board.

2009 – The Large Hadron Collider particle accelerator goes on line in November, creates a black hole, and destroys the Universe. Yeah, sure.

2011 – May 21, to be precise. “The Bible Guarantees It”, claimed Harold Camping, having re-calculated and revised his 1994 Apocalypse. He had a stroke in June, 2011, so maybe he was predicting in the first person.

2012 – Okay, really, this is it. December 21, 2012.



But wait! This just in…

The National Absurder: An Administrative Statement

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May 092012

RoadKill Radio’s National Absurder, Jim Lawter, muses on a commentary he produced that was taken as both pro-left and pro-right, while all along he meant for it to be, well… neither, really. View “Dear Mister President” – a short, entertaining piece – and tell us what you think it means.

This Week On RoadKill Radio! (May 7 – May 13, 2012)

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May 072012

This Week On RoadKillRadio.com! (May 7 – May 13, 2012)

United Church Attacks Israel, Dan Savage Attacks the Bible,
and Globalists Attack Children… Plus: the Canada Tour of Morality,
David Suzuki’s Funding, and Win an Autographed Michael Coren Book!

Monday, May 7, 2012
Family Freedom Fighters: United Church of Canada vs. Israel

In the first of two Family Freedom Fighters episodes this week, host Ron Gray examines the pro-Palestine / anti-Israel report recently issued by the United Church of Canada. Then Ron brings us Part Two of his “Faith and Science” series, this time focusing on evolution.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012
RoadKill Radio News: Brian Rushfeldt takes the Canada Tour of “Morality!?”

In this lightning tour of timely topics, Kari Simpson and Ron Gray speak with Brian Rushfeldt of Canada Family Action about his StopPedophiles.ca website, the lies and bully tactics of sex activist Dan Savage, Canada’s complete lack of abortion laws, and other shocking lapses in Canadian morality.  A must-see show!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Flash Drive with the National Absurder: An Administrative Statement

RoadKill Radio’s National Absurder, Jim Lawter, muses on a commentary he produced that was taken as both pro-left and pro-right, while all along he meant for it to be, well… neither, really.  View the short, entertaining piece and tell us what you think it means.

Thursday, May 10, 2012
The Mark Hasiuk Show: Vivian Krause Explores David Suzuki’s Motivations

Mark Hasiuk and follow-the-money researcher Vivian Krause review environmentalist David Suzuki’s impressive ground-breaking career, and expose some of the surprising sources of his funding.  Can you say “conflict of interest” or “ends justifying means”?

Friday, May 11, 2012
Culture Guard: Win an Autographed Copy of Michael Coren’s “Heresy”

We have obtained five copies of Michael Coren’s latest best-seller, “Heresy”, personally autographed by the man himself! Tune in to hear Kari Simpson and Ron Gray announce the contest rules that can put one of these gems on your own shelf!

Saturday, May 12, 2012
Family Freedom Fighters: Paul Adams and the Global War on Children

Paul Adams, columnist for ActivistPost.com, discusses his columns about world governments that are intentionally destroying the family unit and actively promoting decreased world population.  Is this a decades-long plan for a New World Order?  Join Ron Gray in this fascinating interview.

Sunday, May 13, 2012
The Prophets War: Change Your Name, Start Again

Our underground operative’s latest interception of General Disorder’s series of “marching orders” reveals Vulture Guard’s promotion of merely changing one’s name in order to escape any penalty of wrong-doing.  This dangerous concept encourages crime without fear of repercussions!  Expose this corruption of our society! Be diligent – Stay strong – Plan to Survive!

The National Absurder: Strangers with Candy

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Apr 252012

Flash Drive with the National Absurder: Strangers with Candy

“Want some sweets, little boy?” RoadKill Radio’s National Absurder, Jim Lawter, observes some dangerous sexual advances being made on our children by predators who appeal to the insane political correctness of so-called educators, who ironically are contributing to the bullying of school children!

The National Absurder: When Political Correctness Bites Its Own Tail

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Mar 222012

Have you heard of these “gender swap days” in public schools? I guess the teachers want our kids to get more in touch with their feminine or masculine sides, respectively. Or gay side. Or … aren’t there supposed to be like 6 genders nowadays? Let’s not exclude anybody!

Or is this to break down the natural boundaries of a kid’s self-identity? Remove their self esteem… confuse their role in society…

Or maybe it’s just to recruit kids for political sex activism.


What this always turns out to be is a free pass to parody and demean the opposite sex, as well as once again pick on gays and lesbians. I mean, the poor transgendered kids are confused enough; why force them to dress according to their own gender? And do we really need to create MORE reasons for kids to bully each other in school?

Why are these events invariably promoted in pink? Not pink and blue, which might suggest the two genders that are being swapped. Not even a gender neutral green. Pink seems… well, shaded… toward a certain ideology, don’t you think?

But please: no more rainbows! Lucky Charms, My Little Pony, Peter Max, the Beatles, the Rainbow Coalition, Mac… (TV test bars) … yeah, that, too. The meaning of the rainbow has long ago become a contrived commercial joke.

What about really broadening our kids’ horizons? Psychologists are now saying that pedophilia is just another sexual orientation, akin to homosexuality. What about having pedophile-for-a-day? High school kids could hassle kindergarteners. Fun!

What about fat kids and skinny kids swapping for a day? Surely nobody would belittle a fat kid because he or she couldn’t pull off the switch convincingly!

Why not racial switch day? Black face isn’t insulting to anybody, is it?

What about religion swapping? Christians, Muslims, Jews and Atheists can all wear each others costumes and continue to condemn each other to Hell. No potential for mocking there, is there?

What about a rich kid / poor kid switcheroo? Nah, the poor kids couldn’t afford rich kid costumes, and the rich kids would never take public transportation to school.

What about physical disabilities? Kids can wear fake cleft lips, s-s-stutter, race down the halls in wheelchairs… lots of warm fuzzy affinity to be had, I’m sure.

Hey, what about dropping all the sex-themed costume parties and teaching our kids how to read and write? Isn’t that politically correct enough for you?

These kids need to get into college and then into the workplace, and unless they’re all planning to become costume designers and make-up artists, they need to concentrate on basic math skills, not how to accessorize.

Aren’t there mandates to keep politics out of public school classrooms? That should apply to political correctness, as well.

Let’s keep it real, people!