Mar 232012

Dear Friends, I, like you, dislike taxes….. Yet I come before you today to propose… a new tax! This humble, modest proposal of a tax is not a ‘Head’ tax upon mere phallacies of human effort. Nay, nay, this is a new ‘Sin Tax’.

As Canadians, we’re a tolerant bunch. We’ve embraced the right of individuals to indulge in behaviours and activities that are known to do personal harm… indulgences that include the consumption of spirited drinks, inhalation of known carcinogens—some of which are wrapped in designer paper, engineered to smoulder with pretty orangy-red tipped colours that resemble a magnificent, romantic Canadian sunset.

And. We. TAX THEM.

We also still allow Canadians, like me, to drive non-electric cars here in BC—as long as we pay a bizarre Carbon-Footprint-SIN tax.  Yes a SIN tax – because driving a SUV—just like drinking and smoking—is immoral and is an unethical assault on our own COMMUNAL health, and environmental well-being – and I, like you, must pay for my societal crimes.

Being Canadian—a true Canadian—requires balancing responsibility with fairness. I personally never complain about the sin tax that mixes so wonderfully with every sip of red wine I take. I find comfort in knowing those taxes are being used to care for somebody’s diseased liver, a liver that once functioned in a healthy hard-working, sin-tax-loving alcoholic.

I also appreciate the honest and vulgar candour of our legislators, who demand hard, truthful messages like “YOU WILL DIE”—more or less—“if you smoke!”—a message that MUST be pictured on each and every package of cancer sticks sold in Canada…

And then these same truth-loving health warriors pass additional laws to tax the ash off anyone stupid enough to smoke.  This is Brilliant, and this is fair; the more you indulge in sin-taxed activities, the more tax-funded services you have the right to enjoy!

It’s because of this type of reasoned thinking that it only makes sense to tax sex.  Clearly, taxing sex will be the solution to the obscene costs this nation is now required to spend on health-care-related diseases that result directly from unnatural sexual behaviours, promiscuity, and sexual indulgences that are known to cause personal bodily harm.

You see, in our compassionate Canadian civility, we know we must cater to the right of others to indulge in their individual AND GROUP vices—and for this we should be grateful; I mean, God forbid that we should ever require individuals to be responsible for their own behaviour! That would be so-o-o totally unCanadian.

But, while we won’t dictate sexual behaviour, we all MUST recognize that there are costs associated with the aforementioned practices.

The multi-billion dollar industry associated with sexual diversity, anal sex and the promotion of promiscuity—practices we are now brainwashing kids to “celebrate” in public schools—is sucking dry the public purse.

The many sexually-transmitted diseases that result from just ‘gay’ sex for example; the Promiscuous AND ORAL AND ANAL kinds —of which HIV/AIDS is only one example —are draining the public coffins…I mean coffers.  

Other sexually-transmitted diseases typically associated with promiscuity now require vaccine programs for 12 year-olds to be administered as part of the typical school regime – again costing tax-payers hundreds of millions of dollars!

A Sex Sin Tax would be great! It is civil, compassionate, tolerant, diverse and fair. If implemented properly it could result in a tax windfall for the government…that’s us!

Think about the revenues that would be generated if there was a 20% additional sales tax on the sale of pornography and all those escort and full body massage ads.  As for those websites that facilitate a find somebody to boink now, gps driven casual-sex encounters that stimulate the proliferation of casual sex and STDs—BANG!—hit them with a 40% tax on their service and their advertisers! If these same sites encourage anal sex or other acts that provably further adversely affect our beloved health care system, well whomp them with a 60% tax!

For those parents that want their children screwing around like horny Bonobos —well, let them pay for the Gardisol vaccine that may kill their daughters, for their daughters’ birth control pills, and for their sons’ condoms for that matter—and they can pay the new sin tax of 35% on all those products!

This new Love-Tax-Cum-Sin-Tax will help fund the billions of dollars spent annually on health-care-related COSTS to SERVICE a SMALL SEXshun of Canada’s population. 

As for taxing individuals who engage in these costly activities, the only real challenge we face is: where to stick the meter?

I’m Kari Simpson, and this is my solution to an important and costly social reality.

Now do your own research!



Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.